Summer is almost here! Yea! I love summer. But with everything we love there must be a little down side. Bugs. Bugs are the down side of warm sunshine, swimming and lemonade. I say this due to my face to face encounter with the “Gigantic Middle Tennessee Spider” last night. This is not the scientific name, but it should be. I almost crossed the front door threshold with trash bag in hand. Almost. There it was, face to face. Actually it was facing side ways. Bunny trail. Scream, slamming of door and throwing of trash bag. After my deep, labored breathing subsided I called darling daughter down stairs for a “look see”. I needed proof of the size of this baby. I needed back up so that when I tell my bug horror stories I have a witness.( no one is going to one up me on bug stories or labor and delivery stories). Darling daughter was impressed and trotted back upstairs to continue painting her nails. No back up on the extermination. It’s just me and big harry guy. I used the flip-flop smashing method as it was my nearest exterminating tool. Very effective.
I left my exterminator a message that went something like this: Hey! Yes. I just killed a gigantic spider on my front porch. I saved the remains( the exterminator types actually like it when you save them visuals I have learned). There is a plague on my house, call me in the morning. I actually said this and sincerely meant it at the time. I suppose I was a tad over the top. But, this was not my first rodeo with the “Gigantic Middle Tennessee Spider”. No. Our first summer in middle Tennessee, I walk into my kitchen and see Toby, my cocker spaniel tossing something into the air. For a brief moment I thought it was a chew toy. Not a chew toy. I yell. Toby drops “it”. “It” was the GMTS! All I have in my arsenal at the time is wasp spray. Message to self: wasp spray only stuns the GMTS, it does not kill them. Broom handle method was the final method of extermination this go round.
Exterminator guy arrives today, wants to see the scene of the kill. As he squats down to look, he does something that makes me cringe:he picks up the squashed remains! After he carefully examines the shriveled leftovers he states, with a note of sadness:” you killed one of the good ones”. What is the name of this “good” arachnoid? Wood tarantula. Tarantula? The stuff horror stories are made of? Yep. Wood tarantula. Now I know scientifically, spiders eat insects, this is good. Keeps nature in balance and all. I am all for balance. But, last night it was me or big harry guy. I had the flip-flop, I won. And whose side are you on anyway exterminator guy? Exterminator guys does his exterminating thing. Relief. I half-heartedly tell him I will try to shoo the “good ones” out into the yard with a broom next time. Now, mind you, and I am not proud of this, but I am quite sure I broke one of the ten commandments when I told him this. I love summer. Lemonade anyone?